guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
