Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
