Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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