Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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