We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
