3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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