the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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