@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
