he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
