New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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