first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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