i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
