my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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