i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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