I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
