he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
