My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
