I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
