I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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