I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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