bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
