Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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