I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
