After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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