Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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