So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
