a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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