Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
