i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
