i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
