No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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