normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
