false alarm. still invincible.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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