yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
