you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
