he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't turn off my feet"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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