Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
