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• (310): View more from California

  I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.

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• (650): View more from California

  I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?

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• (903): View more from Texas

  Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.

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• (516): View more from New York

  So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?

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• (914): View more from New York

  He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk

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• (903): View more from Texas

  I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.

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