Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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