Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
