Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Are we still banned from the library?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
