Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
