I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
