I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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