Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
