Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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