You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sober January is a disaster.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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