Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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