so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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