I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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