i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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